


Can It Be?

by mtac_archivist



Category: NCIS
Genre: Drama, Established Relationship, Friendship, M/M, Not Episode Related, Not a Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-06
Updated: 2007-04-06
Packaged: 2019-03-02 10:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13316064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtac_archivist/pseuds/mtac_archivist
Summary: A companion entry to Memories Make Us. Jethro is getting flashes of things he thinks he remembers, but they are so beautiful he doesn't think they can be true.





	Can It Be?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ MTAC](https://fanlore.org/wiki/MTAC), an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address on [ the MTAC collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/mtac/profile)

Can it be?

Can it really be?

Can it really be true?

Hands.

Mouth.

Lips.

Arms.

Touching me. 

Caressing me. 

Stroking me.

Soothing me. 

Loving me. 

Kissing me.

Holding me.

Perfection.

Joy.

Bliss.

Wondrous.

Marvelous.

Too perfect.

Too joyful.

Too blissful.

Too wondrous.

Too marvelous.

Can't be real. 

Has to be a dream. 

Has to be false.

Has to be fairyland. Has to be wonderland. 

And there's no such thing. They're imaginary places.

Blues eyes look at me. Tell me . . . 

Tell me everything. 

His feelings; his love; his fears; his hopes; his affection; his friendship; his desires; his trust; his wants; his . . .

**His?**

**His?**

Flashes, that's all I'm getting. 

Flashes of joy.

Flashes of pain.

Flashes of the good times.

Flashes of the bad times.

Flashes, nothing more. Nothing concrete. Nothing to hold onto. Nothing to cling onto. I need to hold on. I need to cling. But there's nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Except . . . 

Except him.

He's there. 

He's always there.

He's always there in every flashback.

Holding me.

Touching me.

Kissing me.

Supporting me.

Loving me.

Standing by my side.

Looking at me.

Saying 'yes'.

Saying 'no'.

At work.

At home.

He's there.

He's always there.

Can it be?

Can it really be?

Can it really be true?

Can these flashes be memories?

Can wonderland exist?

Can it be the man I see as my friend is more?

Can it be that Ducky is more?

Can it be that Ducky is, was, my lover?

Why hasn't he told me?

Doesn't he want to?

Doesn't he still want me?

Doesn't he still love me?

Can I ask him if it's true? Dare I? What if I'm wrong? What if my flashes are false? What if I ask and he . . . 

What if I ask and he walks away?

I can't lose Ducky. I need him. Need his friendship. He tells me we've known each other for over thirty years. He tells me we've been close friends. I can't remember.

I can't remember anything. Anyone.

Nothing feels right, except when I'm with him. That feels right. That feels more than right. That feels . . .

That feels like wonderland. But a real one.

Do I want it to be real? Do I want us to have been lovers? 

Do I want to love him? Want to touch him? Want to kiss him?

Do I want him to love me? Want him to touch me? Want him to kiss me?

And if I do, do I really want it? Or do I just think I want it, because it would give me something, something real? Something and someone to cling onto, to hold onto. 

Can it be?

Can it really be?

Can it really be true?


End file.
